Think Your Child Might Go to College? Start Preparing Them Now…

Over the years I have worked with many students and families as they transitioned to college enrollment away from home. I have seen students go off to a new life on campus and flourish, and I have seen students flounder from day one with managing their lives away from home.

Clearly emotional intelligence is at stake here: can a young person manage and name feelings, form healthy friendships, resolve conflicts, and remain optimistic even when disappointed or challenged. There are also lifestyle choices regarding drugs and alcohol: how will Johnny handle opportunities to drink and use without parental supervision?

Emotional intelligence and healthy lifestyle choices regarding drugs and alcohol are ongoing themes for families. It is never too early to have family meetings, dinner together, a sense of family values that go beyond self-centered success, and a toolbox for dealing with the touch challenges of growing up. I have discussed many of these issues over the years here in the Current, and I am always available to help families navigate these waters.

There are, however, a set of activities that are more practical: dealing with life on life’s terms. These activities don ‘t need to start in the teen years but can be part of your family dynamics from an early age:

·       Dealing with money: This may start with chores, an allowance, a savings account, or a college fund, but before leaving home your student would best know how to write a check, use on-line banking,  manage a credit card, and pay their own late fees.

·       Cell-phone literacy: Family plans are economical and easy, but eventually taking on the financial contract for a phone may need some prep time (like going over the family bill, looking at usage, and paying for extra charges the student incurs).

·       Time-management: Being able to plan out one’s day – and meet one’s commitments for that day – is a lifelong necessity. Children can be encouraged to look at their free time and realize that planning ahead can allow them more time to do the things they love to do. Some families create schedules for the week, with each family member’s commitments listed in a different color. The skill of time-management – one of the “executive functions” often cited as the basic tools for a successful life – needs to be practiced well before heading off to the college dorm. Stop waking Johnny up each morning for school unless you plan to live next door to them in the dorm!

·       Clothes: This may seem trivial, but I have worked with (mostly male) students who has never bought underwear for themselves and didn’t really know their sizes for many clothing items. I also know students who have never done their own laundry. These practices can begin early on and will allow for fewer clothing mishaps later on.

·       Punctuality: Each of us has had to come to terms with being on time. This is a life skill that must be modeled and practiced. College professors will not come looking for Johnny when he misses office hours or fails to term in a paper.

·       Health appointments: Under Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) regulations, once your child turns 18 years old, they are considered to be an adult and can manage their own privacy regarding their health information. It would be best to start talking with your child about their health conditions and how to manage them long before they turn eighteen (when you will not have access to their ongoing health records without their explicit permission).

·       Chores: The things we take for granted – like food, shelter, transportation, and safety – are privileges. Being a contributing member of the family – setting the table can begin at age three! – is a valuable life skill. Once your student has a roommate – or a work colleague for their student-aid job -they would do best if they are used to cleaning up after themselves and pitching in to the best of their ability.

·       Family values: What we practice in our daily lives becomes the core of our family values. Families that are clear about their values – like integrity, compassion, service to others, loyalty, and hard work to name a few – allow their students to go off to college with a firm foundation.

College may seem a long way off right now, but it’s coming sooner than you think. What are you waiting for?