Difficult Childhood? There Is HOPE

       Most of us parents had some difficult times growing up ourselves. For some of us, these difficult times had a major effect on our well-being as we grew into adulthood. Thus, we are often fearful – more fearful than others might be – that we will pass along difficulties to our children.

          There is a tool – the Adverse Childhood Experiences Scales (ACES) – that lists ten areas in a child’s life that may be problematic in the long term. You can find this scale easily on the Internet if you want to evaluate your own experiences. Even just a quick read of the criteria will give you a sense of how this scale works. Seeing our own difficulties in print can be helpful: “if you can name it, you can tame it”…

          For a long time, research has revealed that early difficulties – which may be described from some as traumatic experiences – were a strong predictor of health challenges (both physical and mental) later in life: cancer, heart disease, stroke, alcoholism, and suicide among them. But thanks to recent work by pediatrician Robert Sege at Tufts Medical Center – who wondered why some people bounced back from childhood difficulties and others did not - there is another scale we can measure for positive experiences: Healthy Outcomes from Positive Experiences (HOPE). The basic premise is simple: if the brain can be rewired by negative experiences, it can also be rewired by positive experiences. A high ACES score can be offset by a high involvement in positive experiences. Makes sense, yes?

          So what are these positive experiences we want to provide for our children to offset difficult events? These fall into four general categories:   

·       Supportive relationships (often with an aunt/uncle/neighbor/teacher coach/scout leader – you get the idea…)

·       Safe environments (if not home then school/place of worship/relative’s home/camp/others?)

·       Opportunities for emotional growth (babysitting/caring for an elderly person/healthy competitive sports/arts experiences/community service with others less fortunate/appropriate consequences for poor decisions/others?)

·       Social engagement that promotes a sense of belonging (teams/clubs/faith-based youth groups/performing arts/others?)

There is a two-fold message here: we can provide these pillars for our children AND we can engage in these activities to heal ourselves as adults. As the author Tom Robbins once said, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

The spring equinox approaches: hope springs eternal!

P.S. – If you want to delve deeply into how different people respond to trauma you might revisit Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning.